Well, enthusiastic students here at SLIFR U, Christmas is just around the corner, and most of you will be taking some precious time off to spend with your family, loved ones or fellow inmates. But what would taking a break from your worries and your strife (my apologies to Baloo the Bear) be without something intrusive and insistent to gnaw at the back of your mind while you try to enjoy a simple cup of wassail or a gristly wing off that Christmas goose?
Something like, say, homework…?
With that, it is my pleasure to introduce the newest member of the faculty here at our esteemed institution of learning, fresh from a long, spirited, and sometimes controversial tenure at Medfield College. Professor Ned Brainerd has taken a sabbatical from his experiments in the kinetic properties of rubber-based substances to kindly offer up 25 questions to take along with us to ensure a happy holiday. The professor felt the number of questions was appropriate for the Christmas season (December 25, see?)—he would have gone for nine in honor of Hanukkah (number of candles on a menorah), but correctly figured that that wouldn’t make for enough of an annoying brain teaser, and he had to admit ignorance as to whether there is any number significantly related to Kwanzaa.
So, if your fingerprints have not already been sufficiently worn down by a 2005 filled with typing at work and blogging comments at home (or vice versa), then by all means pull up a too-small wooden desk, massage your head in order to dislodge the most insignificant bits of knowledge and memory, and welcome to Professor Brainerd’s Christmas Vacation Quiz.
Say the magic word—“Flubber!”—and begin…
1) Describe the moment when you knew you loved the movies
2) What prop or costume from a film do you most covet? *
3) Take a famous role and recast it (for example, Audrey Hepburn instead of Andie McDowell in Four Weddings and a Funeral) *
4) Charlton Heston or George Kennedy?
5) Best performance in an otherwise terrible movie
6) Worst performance in a famously revered or otherwise great movie
7) Christopher Lee or Peter Cushing?
8) Favorite Walter Hill movie
9) Favorite musical score from a movie
10) Describe the most scared you’ve ever been in a theater, or the scariest moment you recall seeing in a movie
11) Ingrid Pitt or Barbara Steele?
12) Favorite Holiday Movie (doesn’t have to be Christmas oriented)
13) Worst Holiday movie (doesn’t have to be Christmas oriented)
14) Your all-time favorite hammy actor
15) Favorite Federico Fellini movie
16) Your favorite film critic
17) Jason Lee or Jason Mewes?
18) Best use of a natural location setting in a movie
19) Worst squandering of a natural location setting in a movie
20) Favorite song from a movie
21) Madeline Kahn or Teri Garr?
22) Favorite Roger Corman Movie
23) Your biggest movie-star crush
24) Director you’ve always felt deserved more attention than he/she ever got or has gotten up to this point, and a highlight for you from his/her career
25) Michelle Yeoh or Ziyi Zhang?
26) If the movies’ were to give you a Christmas gift, or a gift for 2006, what would it be? (I mean “the movies” in the most general sense—the film industry, the actors, a director making a certain film, whatever)
* Thanks for the suggestions, Jen!
Okay, so that's 26. But what's the holiday season without a surprise stocking stuffer? Happy holidays, everyone!