Wednesday, August 18, 2010


Book me, Dan-o!

And it must be a theme cake this year!

Aging makes you smarter, they say, so one really should flaunt it! I completely agree, so in that spirit I want my cake to look like this!

According to Xerxy, creators of the Ray Liotta Tribute Cupcake, "These devilish morsels come complete with fake blood and are made of a raspberry cake base with French vanilla cream cheese. The brain is made out of chocolate." Of course it is...

No, 50 years, not 50 feet!

Here's a much better example:

Joan Jett turns 50 on September 12 and she's still sexy as hell, even when she's making funny faces. (perhaps even more so!) According to my tarot card reader, 50 is definitely not what it used to be.

Click here for a great gallery of some other people who will be looking pretty damn great (and a far sight better than me) when they turn 50 this year. (Disclaimer: Some of 'em already have).

And have a great day! I know I will (thanks to you)!



Uncle Gustav said...

Dennis, if I may share but three thoughts on turning fifty:

First: if it hasn’t already happened, your initial colonoscopy is right around the corner. (Our butts become focal points at fifty.) Your doctor will undoubtedly have you fast the day before, using the rather unpalatable Fleet Enema to clean out your pipes. This nasty laxative is best consumed if mixed with green Gatorade. Trust me: you’ll thank me in the end for this.

Secondly, your prostate will start to fuck with your head. The little bugger has a mean sense of humor. You may find yourself bent over before a urologist with thick sausage-like digits, who may, after his excavation, inform you it’s asymmetrical, enlarged or dotted with bumps. Many of these hustlers will then recommend a prostate biopsy (insurance ka-ching!). At that moment, you will then ask if it could be infected and if you could go on antibiotics before a biopsy. You have to ask this! Because the biopsy is a motherfucker, and some of us were swayed into having it whereas we could’ve done antibiotics first and not have to weather the pain and humiliation of coke bottle devices and eighteen-inch needles being shoved up our asses.

Third, and foremost, Joan Jett is still hot at fifty because she’s got more money than you or I. Believe me, money can buy a fair amount of youth.

Have a wonderful day!

The Mysterious Ad[ B)e;ta]m.a.x. said...

Felicitations! (And, wow, thanks to Flickhead for that info!)

The Siren said...

Oh, I completely missed this!! Happy 50th Dennis! May it lead to 50 more years of health and happiness.

Bob Westal said...

I've already wished you happy birthday...and I guess now I can go ahead and see "Hannibal" as you've just shown this ever-conflicted horror-liking gorephobe of at least some of the reason I've been avoiding that one all these years. :)