We at SLIFR University are fully aware that most of you are probably settling in for the last few days of a hopefully restful and renewing holiday season, or at least the meaty part of a long three-day weekend meant to celebrate the passing of a spent and stressful old year and the hope (fingers and hearts and minds crossed) of a better one over the 365 days to come. But we also believe in the value of unexpected education, particularly as it pertains to the concept of the pop quiz. And what quiz could pop more unexpectedly than one dropped on the student whose thoughts are conveniently focused on seasonal celebrations at the expense of her or his studies? Can we get a sinister chuckle?
Certainly our esteemed professor of the moment is eminently qualified to bring forth such a noise. It is our honor and privilege to present to you now this latest quiz as administered by its author, SLIFR University’s very own Dean of Philosophical Ethics, Professor James Moriarty. The professor, who reminds his students that of all subjects his own shadowy past is the one that may not be broached during classroom hours (he believes that to be a topic for discussion best suited for private sessions in the his eerie clock tower office perched high above the SLIFR campus), has said that he desires to take us forth into the coming year with our minds set on the lessons of the past year that we can gather from our experiences and apply to the various ethical situations with which we may soon find ourselves faced. But, being the pesky mastermind that he is (evil or merely amoral—you must decide), it may be that he’s just toying with the minds of his students, tossing out matters of trivia meant to distract from those very ethical concerns, all the better to set the traps, academic and otherwise, he has hidden between the lines of his seemingly innocuous syllabus.
The only way to find out for sure is to proceed with the quiz and take your chances. Here’s how the professor demands it be done. Answer each thoroughly, to the best of your abilities, at any length you choose, but remembering that the more verbose the response, the more credit you will receive in the professor’s ledger. And when you answer, be sure to cut and paste the question along with your answer into the comments section so your answer may be more easily understood. Due to current space restrictions on Blogger, you may find it necessarily to post your answers in two or three sections. Or, if you have your own site, feel free to post a link to that location so we can read your answers there.
So, without further delay, let us get under way. The professor waits for no one, especially bleary-eyed students who wish they were anywhere else but at their desks, awaiting further instructions. Number twos up. You may now open your blue books… and begin.
1) Best movie of 2016
2) Worst movie of 2016
3) Best actress of 2016
4) Best actor of 2016
5) What movie from 2016 would you prefer not hearing another word about? Why?
6) Second-favorite Olivier Assayas movie
7) Miriam Hopkins or Kay Francis?
8) What’s the story of your first R-rated movie?
9) What movie from any era that you haven’t yet seen would you be willing to resolve to see before this day next year?
10) Second-favorite Pedro Almodovar movie
11) What movie do you think comes closest to summing up or otherwise addressing the qualities of 2016?
12) Chris Pine or Chris Pratt?
13) Your favorite movie theater, presently or from the past
14) Favorite movie involving a family celebration
15) Second-favorite Paul Schrader movie
16) Ruth Negga or Hayley Atwell?
17) Last three movies you saw, in any format
18) Your first X-rated, or porn movie?
19) Richard Boone or Charles McGraw?
20) Second-favorite Chan-wook Park movie
21) Movie that best encompasses or expresses loneliness
22) What’s your favorite movie to watch with your best friend?
23) Who’s the current actor you most look forward to seeing in 2017?
24) Your New Year’s wish for the movies