Monday, May 24, 2010


So maybe you loved director Tom Six’s built-to-shock body horror opus The Human Centipede, or maybe you skipped it, entirely unimpressed with the idea of seeing three humans attached butt-to-face to create the title insect. Either way, now, thanks to the geniuses at I-Mockery, you can wallow in Dr. Dieter Laser’s ugly universe while pretending it’s all just a game… an ‘80s video game, that is.

Behold, Human Centipede - The Video Game, modeled after the popular arcade classic, in which the lovely day-glo bugs of old have been replaced by Tom Six's ultimate fantasy-- a human centipede made of not three, but 12 or more victims stitched together at the extremities to form one long would-be insect of unparalleled terror. Now those poor bastards from the movie have been dehumanized into pixels so you won’t have to worry about their pain and degradation, not to mention their bathroom habits. But you'll be too consumed with blasting them out of existence before they can descend on you and get their icky bodily fluids all over your mouse and keyboard to fret much about their sorry surgical predicament anyway! Plus, now that I have this keen video game, I feel even more excused from having to actually see the movie. Video game fun with a public service! That definitely goes sharpening your hand-eye coordination one better, not to mention that you don't need to waste a shitload of quarters playing it! I will try to avoid thinking about what it says about me that I’m far better at this version than I ever was with the original.

(Thanks be to Movieline for the tip!)



Charles Taylor said...

I wouldn't see that movie if they gave out free colonoscopies with every ticket.

Robert Fiore said...

To hear the premise is to know more than you wish to know about the movie. If they could figure out a way to compel people to pay to NOT see the movie they'd make more than Shrek.

L XGPower said...

As a denizen of Los Angeles, I am endlessly frustrated because I DESPERATELY WANT TO SEE THIS MOVIE on the big screen, but it's only playing on weekends at the NUART, which is IMPOSSSSSIBLE to get to, at midnight shows. Since I loathe seeing movies EN MASSE and ONLY go either solo or with a single friend, can't imagine that seeing THE CENTIPEDE with a packed house of hipper-than-thou Nuart assholes elbow-to-elbow isn't far more torturous than anything onscreen.

Take this thing wide so I can BASK in it at my neighborhood AMC or MANN. Hell, Hills Have Eyes 2, which is a veritable mutant-rape-fest and the foulest thing ever, played EVERY CHAIN THEATER in the nation (and when I saw it people brought their kids)... So did THE COLLECTOR, so did SEE NO EVIL.

No reason I shouldn't be able to see this in the same venues. Take it wide so I can see it at the 11:50 matinee with two other people in the theater... the way movies were meant to be seen.

Also, no offense to the esteemed posters above or CENTIPEDE NAYSAYERS...

But my day to day life consists of BEING BORING and BEING UNEXCEPTIONAL and drifting thru life as a TOTAL LOSER with no stimulation and absolutely NOTHING making me happy. Every waking second of my life is a duel to the death with THE PREVIOUS SECOND to see which one is MORE BORING.

On a really EXCITING DAY they accidentally give me the DOUBLE WHOPPER at Burger King instead of the regular Whopper I actually ordered.

That is the height of human excitement in the house of LXG.

So when I go to a movie, be it a BAY EXTRAVAGANZA, or SASHA GREY, or Human Centipede, or Saw # EIGHT ZILLION, I am looking for ANYTHING to blast me out of my depressing shell of complacency and boring sameness. If it takes extreme, beyond-INSIDE level insanity to achieve this goal, then at least it's something new. Pretty sure Human Centipede trumps Backup Plan in that department.

Robert Fiore said...

I will say this for it: Human Centipede will be the theme of a LOT of Halloween costumes this year.

Dennis Cozzalio said...

Perhaps replacing the two-man horse costume? You'll know it has made a real impact when one shows up in a New Year's Day parade (Chinese or Rose Bowl variety).

Anonymous said...

"shitload of quarters"

Play Online said...

Just heard about this film..... it really sounds fecked up!

Anonymous said...

We shall see for ourselves because "the human centipede" opens the month of July 2010 at the plaza theatre in Atlanta, Georgia.