CRAMMIN': DENNIS ANSWERS PROF. JENNINGS MILTON-FREE, UNIVERSE-EXPANDING MIDTERM

Professor Jennings's students avert their eyes from his intense, slightly bloodshot stare as he demands yet another answer to the Milton-Free, Universe Expanding Holiday Midterm. (SLIFR readers may recognize the kid the front row with the blue sweater as none other than frequent commenter and best-friend-to-the-blog-host, none other than Blaaagh himself!)
As for taking this test, whose idea was this? I'm tired already...
1) What was the last movie you saw, either in a theater or on DVD, and why?
Gee, there was a period about two weeks when, if I’d answered this question then, I might have looked a lot more like a cinephile instead of a yahoo who gets dragged to the arthouse occasionally by his wife. But timing is, if not everything, then just as revealing as anything else when it comes to these questions, so here are my true confessions:

Last Friday night, I undertook the annual present wrapping chore as I usually do, in front of a movie or two. My perennial favorite for the past six or seven years has been Cabin Boy, but I decided to give this undisputed classic a rest this year, and as there was a ridiculous amount of wrapping to do I undertook a double feature. The first, Lucky Number Slevin, was a lukewarm, too-clever-by-half post-Tarantino bash that I saw mainly on the strength of the good notices I remember reading regarding Lucy Liu’s performance. She’s a beauty, and very appealing as a coroner who befriends the oddly placid Slevin (Josh Hartnett), a guy with a broken nose misidentified by two rival gangsters as someone who owes them a whole lot of money and who doesn’t seem to mind much this potentially lethal bit of mistaken identity. But Lucy Liu’s charms couldn’t, for me, keep this thriller afloat long enough to save it from drowning in its own lack of urgency. It’s one of those movie where, as each level of deception is revealed, as each person’s true identity is revealed, all the air keeps getting pushed out in favor of that vacuum-sealed quality (all the better to keep out believability) so prized by the screenwriter Jason Smilovic, who clearly worships too fervently at the altar of The Usual Suspects.

The last movie I saw on the job: Over the past week I’ve had to sit through Turistas, that frothy Hostel-light confection currently leaving theaters with its tail snugly between its legs, three times. That is exactly three times too many. Why did I see this movie, which even as a unapologetic horror fan I avoided on the big screen, not once but three times? Because I was paid to. A group of typically beautiful tourists, casually exploitive and smug foreigners from the U.S.A. and the U.K. making their way through South America, dawdle around for a full hour of screen time, slowly allowing themselves,

However, the movie’s director, John Stockwell (Blue Crush, Into The Blue) erases that ugly sense of identification and tips his hand right at the start of the big, gory set piece—that first liver removal— when we get a very tight close-up of a surgical blade tracing a line over the very tight abs, and around the very sexy pierced belly button, of the female victim. Even though she’s been relentlessly obnoxious for the entire film, and she’s the purveyor of one of it’s dumbest lines (“Anybody here mind if I go topless?”), that’s hardly an excuse to sexualize her needlesly long, agonizingly drawn-out evisceration. And as the doctor purrs his outraged bedside manner in her ear (yes, she’s conscious) and explains his raison d’etre, I found myself squirming and thinking two things: 1) I’m really pissed off that Stockwell staged this horrific violation like a indifferent seduction— I doubt he would have done so if the first victim had been the barmy Brit, an obnoxious male; and 2) even though this doctor has stated that he only has 12 hours to steal the kidneys and livers of all six of his unfortunate house guests, am I suppose to accept that he takes this much time to blah-blah about his righteous anger and motivation to everyone from whom he cherry-picks vital organs?
The movie, vacant and dull up to this point, trades up from the gruesomely offensive to the incoherently staged action of its final 20 minutes, even managing a stab at the kind of claustrophobic senstaion that The Descent wove so tightly into its grand scheme. In Turistas, however, the claustrophobia is just pointless. The staging of the climax in a maze of underwater caves serves only to make it harder to keep track of who’s skewering who as everything mercifully comes to an end, until you realize, as I did, that you’d long since stopped caring. Hostel at least managed to conjure a crescendo of dread underneath the hedonistic revelry of its ugly-Americans-in-Eastern-Europe setup, even if that abattoir the characters eventually found themselves in really was a narrative dead end. Turistas, however, is so cynical and indifferently constructed, its characters merely meat with mobility and certainly no minds to speak of, or to mourn, that it really does deserve the overused description “torture porn.”
2) Name the cinematographer whose work you most look forward to seeing, and an example of one of his/her finest achievements.
The first names that came to mind were Robby Muller (The State of Things, Repo Man, They All Laughed, Dead Man) and Freddie Francis (Room at the Top, The Innocents, The Elephant Man, Dune, Return to Oz). But then I remembered the name of the first cinematographer whose name used to (still does) get me excited when I hear his name attached to a project-- Peter Suschitzky. Suschitzky replaced Mark Irwin as David Cronenberg’s cinematographer of choice with the icy, muted tones of Dead Ringers (1988), and has shot every one of the director’s features since (Naked Lunch, M.Butterfly, Crash, eXistenZ, Spider, A History of Violence). Suschtzky also lent his eye to the candy-colored cacophony of Mars Attacks!, John Boorman’s woefully underrated, emotionally charged Where the Heart Is and the garish visual pallete of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.



Bo Svenson will always have a place in my heart for the borderline psychosis he brought to pro football player Joe Bob Priddy in North Dallas Forty. But he was merely a pretender as Buford Pusser, even though he got two movies and a brief TV series out of swinging that Walking Tall club. Joe Don Baker, however, also has Mitchell (MST3K and non-MST3K versions) under his Schlitz-loving beer belly-sized belt, as well as the hall-of-fame villain Molly in Don Siegel’s Charley Varrick. And he’s named Joe Don. Unless we get another hulking star with a similarly ambivalent grin, booming good-old-boy voice and general physical imposition of this order whose name is Joe Bob, Mr. Baker will continue to be the man.
4) Name a moment from a movie that made you gasp (in horror, surprise, revelation…)
The most recent example of an uncontrollable gasp (this one in horror) I let out during a movie is one I will try to allude to without giving away any specifics. It’s the moment during The Descent when a measure of fatal violence is doled out by a character who has been made to distrust someone based on eye-witness, but totally misinterpreted, information. For me, it’s the moment in the movie when true horror is sealed and made inescapable, no matter the presence of daylight or a familiar (ambivalent?) image of a lost love returning yet again before the end credits roll…

5) Your favorite movie about the movies.

6) Your Favorite Fritz Lang movie.


In a character: squirrely little Kevin Corcoran had me all sewed up as Arliss Coates, who can’t understand why Old Yeller suddenly ain’t friendly no more, and as the titular runaway who fulfills a fairly universal fantasy of boys my age in Toby Tyler, or Ten Weeks with a Circus.
In an actual movie: a relatively skinny, uncomfortable version of myself in National Lampoon’s Animal House.
8) Carole Bouquet or Angela Molina?

9) Name a movie that redeems the notion of nostalgia as something more than a bankable commodity.

10) Favorite appearance by an athlete in an acting role.

Ray Nitschke, Head, The Longest Yard…
though if my thunder hadn’t been stolen, I probably would have mentioned Kurt Thomas in Gymkhata…
11) Favorite Hal Ashby movie.

12) Name the first double feature you’d program for opening night of your own revival theater.


I also like the idea put forward here earlier Lawrence of Arabia and Once Upon a Time In the West-- give ‘em their money’s worth!
In that vein, how about an opening night dusk-to-dawn butt-buster? The Dollars Trilogy plus Eastwood and director Ted Post’s underrated attempt to bring the spaghetti back to the American west in Hang ‘Em High?
And I’m thinking of the future when I imagine double-features like these:
The Confederate States of America plus co-hit The Second Civil War
Fellini Roma plus co-hit The Italian Job
Weekend plus co-hit Bananas
Boy, Jim, you may have really started something…
13) What’s the name of your revival theater?
I can see in up in neon already: The Cardinale
14) Humphrey Bogart or Elliot Gould?

As a movie star, Bogart (Gould could never pull off In A Lonely Place)…
15) Favorite Robert Stevenson movie.

16) Describe your favorite moment in a movie that is memorable because of its use of sound.

Honorable mention:
*** The first time we hear what turns out to be a far-away electrical generator in Tobe Hooper’s The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. As a group of kids approach a house that sits in the midst of an open plain, we’re already squirming, primed by the movie’s title and our own spider-sense of impending doom, sure as hell that generator noise must be a saw idling. When it turns out not to be, the relief is welcome, but short-lived. A boy approaches the house and enters the front door. There’s a small foyer at the base of some stairs, and further back underneath them a large metal door. Soon there is the shocking rattle of that door sliding open, the pinging of sledgehammer connecting with skull, the screaming-- the victim’s and that of Leatherface—and the sudden rattling slide of that door back into place. After which, all is suddenly, horribly silent once again.
*** The typewriter keys hitting paper in macro close-up, All the President’s Men
17) Pink Flamingos-- yes or no?
Yes. And to second David’s notion of seeing it with someone who has never seen it before, I have a little story. One evening, while caring for a cousin who was laid out on my apartment couch with the flu, I decided to watch Pink Flamingoes while she slept. I turned the lights down low and put on my headphones, lest any of the movie’s strange sounds (“Eggs! I want eggs!”) disturb her feverish slumber. I flopped in a beanbag chair on the floor beside the couch and fired the movie up, chortling along my merry way through all manner of demented behavior playing out on my TV.

18) Your favorite movie soundtrack score.

John Williams, 1941, for its sheer exuberance and inventiveness.
Ennio Morricone, Once Upon a Time in the West, for it being the perfect encapsulation of everything a movie score can be—experimental, soaringly romantic, cruel, incessant, haunting and bottomlessly beautiful.
19) Fay Wray or Naomi Watts?

20) Is there a movie that would make you question the judgment and/or taste of a film critic, blogger or friend if you found out they were an advocate of it?
Not anymore. I’ve met too many smart people and read too many smart critics who have different tastes than mine and/or great reasons for holding dear the things they hold dear, and I’ve learned that respecting those differences and enjoying the discussions and the work those critics produce is much more valuable than worrying about whether or not our favorites line up. I’m with you, TLRHB. Although if someone tried to tell me Turistas was the film of the year, I might have to just walk away.
21) Pick a new category for the Oscars and its first deserving winner.
How about a nod to the changing landscape of movie technology and create a separate category for Best Videography to coexist alongside Best Cinematography, which would retain its historical association with recognizing achievement in the use of film, a far different medium. I think this kind of recognition might encourage, at least in the beginning, a more thoughtful use of this technology, whether it is to invoke the kind of grungy, grainy disorientation that David Lynch embraces in Inland Empire, or to inspire directors to use the more mobile format to more accurately replicate the tones and textures of film more affordably. I’m thinking of the goal here as being something like what Robert Altman, with videographers Andrew Dunn and Ed Lachmann, did with the visually stunning The Company and, more subtly perhaps, A Prairie Home Companion.

22) Favorite Paul Verhoeven movie.

23) What is it that you think movies do better than any other art form?
Juxtapose images and sounds and behavior in such a way as to illuminate (when they’re on their game) aspects of and perspectives on the human condition that fulfill its potential as an art form. I would suggest that this happens more often that we admit, if we accept that not every movie has to be a fully realized work of art to have art in it. And it can create a sense of excitement—visceral, emotional, psychological—that is entirely distinct from any other art form, even as it employs elements from just about every one of them.
24) Peter Ustinov or Albert Finney?

25) Favorite movie studio logo, as it appears before a theatrical feature.
That spectacular Universal airplane logo gets my top vote (though I couldn’t find a picture of it to save my life). I’m also very partial to some that have already been mentioned, including Toho and 20th Century Fox (with Cinemascope), as well as the whooshing, blurry-edged lettering that marks the introduction of a release from Rogue Pictures (Shaun of the Dead, Assault on Precinct 13, Seed of Chucky, Jet Li’s Fearless and Unleashed). I even like the clean, uncluttered design of the new The Weinstein Company logo (but I mostly like the spare music underneath it).
And no mention of studio logos could pass by without mentioning the MGM lion, a great, classic image. I also love what Robert Altman did with it. Altman was known for the eye-catching, often self-conscious title sequences of his films (try this one from Brewster McCloud). But as far as I can recall, he only ever messed with the studio logo in front of the movie once. It was for his raunchy teen comedy O.C. and Stiggs, and I couldn’t resist presenting it for you. Here’s Altman’s MGM lion announcing to the few who saw it that this would be an MGM movie like no other:
26) Name the single most important book about the movies for you personally.


27) Name the movie that features the best twist ending. (Please note the use of any “spoilers” in your answer.)


As I look over his credits, I realize I’m sadly lacking in experience with Truffaut films, especially the later ones. I’m tempted to say The Wild Child or The Story of Adele H., but I’ll go with Shoot the Piano Player, the first one I ever saw, the movie that I think of first when I think of Francois Truffaut.
I like Thom McGregor’s rather allusive answer too. Cheeky! Those count, dammit!
29) Olivia Hussey or Claire Danes?

30) Your most memorable celebrity encounter.
I’ll start with the runner-up. I was at a screening of The Passion of Joan of Arc at the John Anson Ford Theater here in Los Angeles several years ago, waiting in line to use the men’s room. A guy emerged from the facility and walked passed me, and the person waiting behind me nudged my shoulder and made a comment along the lines of, “Did you see the look on that guy’s face when he came out? I wonder what the hell went on in there!” I chuckled and turned around to acknowledge the stranger’s vaguely scatological good humor. It was Rod Steiger.
The winner: I was a first-term freshman trying to squeak out at least a 3.0 GPA my first time at bat at the University of Oregon in the fall of 1977. Unfortunately, for my study habits, I also got a job as a recurring extra, a member of the Delta house, on National Lampoon’s Animal House, which was filmed in Eugene that same autumn. For me, being on the set, coming straight from the dull-drums of high school in Southern Oregon, was like some kind of movie paradise. There were so many actors on the set who were familiar to me. I even discovered a strange thread that ran through the cast—Donald Sutherland (Prof. Jennings), John Vernon (Dean Wormer), Verna Bloom (Mrs. Wormer), even Tim Matheson (Otter), all had worked with Clint Eastwood. (Imagine the questions a doughy, green kid thought to ask them…)

But the real story came one afternoon when I went begrudgingly to the set, after having had to practically beg for a special time to take a midterm that was in conflict with a shooting time that I couldn’t miss. My professor was kind enough to give me another opportunity to take the test, so I brought my books to the set, knowing that there would certainly be at least two or three extended periods in between takes that I could use to get away and study. Just after lunch, sure that I wouldn’t be needed for at least another hour, I informed the casting assistant that I was going to go study outside. Since filming was concentrating that day indoors, I found my way to a displaced couch which was sitting out near the front steps of the house. And no one but the occasional grip was anywhere near, a great chance for some peace and quiet. I sat down on the couch and was there for five or ten minutes, I suppose, when out of the corner of my eye I saw someone approach the couch and flop down on the other end of it. I tried to keep my eyes on my book, but eventually I gave in to the primal impulses of social behavior and looked up to acknowledge the person who was taking up some of what I considered my personal space. It was John Belushi. I immediately realized how dry my mouth was when I tried to say something, anything, and only a loud smecking sound came out. Perhaps sensing that I was a bit nervous, he began asking me about my studies, where I came from, how I was enjoying school—small talk, really, but coming from someone whom I already considered a cultural hero of sorts, it sounded plenty big to me. I even mustered up enough composure to ask him what enduring his schedule was like-- during filming, Belushi would be on the set in Eugene Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, then at the end of the third day he would fly back to New York, crash-write and rehearse Saturday Night Live, perform the show that weekend, then be on a flight back to Eugene on Sunday. Naturally, he was pretty exhausted by the whole thing. (Some have suggested that his abuse of cocaine had its roots in trying to keep up with this brutal back-and-forth, but I certainly couldn’t say I saw any evidence of it.) It was clear that Belushi, like me, was looking for a place to get away from the bustle of the day’s shoot, if only for a moment, and he chose to sit next to me to spend that down time.
Before he got up to return to the (barely) controlled chaos, he even told me a dirty joke. I’ll tell it to you (and those who don’t appreciate a filthy, borderline sexist joke can probably skip this last part—I won’t be any more offended than I was by the joke itself): Guy goes to see a doctor. He says, “Doc, it’s really weird. I’m having very odd symptoms. Don’t get me wrong—I feel great, but look at me—I look awful!” The doctor sizes him up for a second, then gets up from his stool, pulls out a large leather-bound volume from his shelf and begins to page through it. He stops briefly at one entry: “No, that’s ‘feels bad, looks bad.’” He turns a few more pages, stops, considers the text, then says, “No, that’s ‘looks good, feels bad.’ Hmm.” The doctor, determined to get a handle on the patient’s problem, turns a few more pages. Again he stops, and this time his eyes light up: “’Feels good, looks bad’! That’s it!” The patient sits up and asks, “What is it, Doc? You’ve figured out what my problem is?” The doctor happily responds, “Why, yes, Mr. Johnson! According to Grey’s Anatomy, you are a vagina!”
And that’s my John Belushi story. Sorry for the joke.
31) When did you first realize that films were directed?
2001 would be a reasonable guess, given its prominence when I was a kid learning to love movies, although I was probably just a year or two too young at the time I saw it to register just how much it was demanding of its audience. I was willing and able, as a young science fiction fan, to skate on the imagery alone, though I do remember piecing together enough of an idea of what transpired in the movie to satisfy myself and lend it some sense. (Boy, would I love to revisit those observations!)

But the true revelation came to me when, after having familiarized myself with these cartoons, on TV as well as (when I was lucky enough) before a feature film, I saw Bugs Bunny in “Bully for Bugs”, directed by Chuck Jones, as the opening act before Planet of the Apes, in 1969 at my local drive-in. Jones’ brilliant slapstick had already primed my receptors for what were my first awakenings of a directorial vision, or process. But seeing it juxtaposed with Franklin J. Schaffner’s adaptation of Pierre Boulle’s book (which I had read), and seeing the various ways the book was altered or, more importantly, how various elements of the story that were familiar from the book were interpreted through Schaffner’s camera, it dawned on me that a film was itself an imagining, an interpretation of experience, of a story. Just as Chuck Jones’ Road Runner was, in significant ways, different than one imagined by Robert McKimson, I recognized that this was the way Franklin Schaffner (I doubt I knew his name when I was nine) wanted to tell this particular story. I realized parallels between the way he used relative silence, as Taylor makes his way from the wreckage of the ship at the beginning of the film, and the way it was sometimes used by the cartoon directors, as a prelude of cacophony or other varied madness. And the way the movie built toward its conclusion, and the way the camera slowly revealed it, and the way Charlton Heston sold it on screen, was catnip to my taste and sensibility.
I’d been primed by the Warners bunch to an understanding of how an individual could shape a cartoon, but that was with ink and paint—materials that I knew had to be manipulated in order to take anything like the shape they did on screen. But when I saw Planet of the Apes and realized that movies were doing the same thing, only with coordinated shapes and sets and actors, figures in three-dimensional reality, that’s when the possibilities of what a movie could do really began to take off in my head.
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That's it for me. But don't think that's the end of Professor Jennings's quiz. Oh, no! Keep those answers coming in, and after the turn of the new year I'll go through and highlight my favorite responses from what has been a real bumper crop of great, thoughtful and often hilarious responses. Thanks so much for participating! As always, this has been a lot of fun and a great way to lead into the holidays. Look for a special Christmas post on Monday. Until then, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
11 comments:
Great answers, Dennis. I have to agree about the videography award -I don't see the point of trying to replicate celluloid with DV, but I love when it's pushed into new, unexplored directions. By the way, you can find that Mitchell poster by Googling "Joe Don Baker Mitchell." Happy holidays!
I'm an idiot: Bouquet all the way!
Great answers to perhaps your best quiz yet, Dennis. I could have picked Peter Suschitzky and "Best Videographer" myself, if I'd thought of them. And I love all your stories, especially the one that makes up your answer to #31. (And if you're this big a fan of the Planet of the Apes score, I strongly urge you to check out my choice for #18: Hiroshi Teshigahara's Woman in the Dunes if you haven't yet, as there are some striking similarities).
And I'll check out National Lampoon's Animal House. Can you believe I've never seen it before?
Although, I have to say I wish I hadn't read Belushi's joke. The story of his telling it was great, but I hope I don't remember the joke itself every time I think of Belushi from now on.
Brian: I know what you mean. I hestitated over whether to tell it or not. But I did because I have such a bad, bad memories for jokes or funny bits from movies, and I've always been struck by how clearly I remember that one, not because I thought it was particularly brilliant. Of course, I'm sure I laughed as he told it to me...
And I've seen Woman in the Dunes several times-- I don't know why it didn't occur to me the similarities between those scores.
Merry Christmas, my friend!
My mom calls me Joe Bob as a pet name. She does it to my dad (Bill Bob) and the family mechanic too (Kim Bob). Unfortunately I don't have a hulking physique, unless you count my exploding belt after the holidays.
Yikes! That photo of me...funny how all the other people in that picture have aged since the movie was made, and I've stayed the same, only not as dorky (haha).
I also tried to tell the John Belushi joke to a few people, and instantly realized how unfunny it is, at least when I tell it, as opposed to when Belushi told it. Still, it does seem to be typical of the hostility the SNL crew often demonstrated toward women in those days. Nevertheless, even that sour joke can't spoil the charm of your great chatting-with-Belushi-over-homework story.
Beerfest! Cheers, sir! And while we're drinking, a toast to Jerry Goldsmith...
Cheers right back at ya, sir! I was rereading answers yesterday and was reminded that you were also a proud Beerfest viewer, and twice too! My brow suddenly felt much higher! :)
Just thought of you today when I caught the throbbingly awesome PRIVILEGE at a Secret Cinema screening. It's really gorgeous to look at, and a look at the end credits reveal why- the DP was none other than the great Suschitzky himself! The shame is that it's never been released in any video format, but if you ever get a chance to catch it on the big screen, sprint, don't mosey.
Privilege. I don't think I've ever heard of it, but I just read about it on IMDb. Sounds like pretty intriguing time capsule stuff. Was this built around a Peter Watkins revival or something? Thanks for the Suschitzky note. Now the name of the movie will stick in my head as one to look for.
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